Do you sometimes feel like you’re on the train of life but the train is not really moving?
We grew up in the ‘country’ outside of town, and I loved looking out the windows for the 30 minute drive from Joplin to our house. We drove through the little mining town of Webb City, Missouri and we would see ‘chat piles.’ These were mini mountains of waste from the lead and zinc mines ground into gravel, or chat. The chat piles were off the main roads and had train tracks weaving in and out of them.
If you were in high school, maybe the chat piles were where you smoked or drank with your friends. If you were a kid, and your dad was a trainer of hunting dogs, as mine was, that’s where you went with him to give the dogs a workout. Imagine a few strong draft horses pulling a rig, but instead of a rig it’s your dad’s pickup truck set in neutral, and instead of horses it’s a pack of English Pointers and Brittany Spaniels towing this iron grid attached to the front — all of this effort to build stamina for the dog's field trial competitions. My childhood was wacky and amazing. But I digress…
These photos are from the Joplin Public Library.
Now when I go home, my childhood view of chat piles has been cleared out for a super highway. What was a 30 minute drive into town now takes 15 or less! Now there’s a network of connecting bridges that soar high over the train tracks. There are a few ghostly mine remnants preserved that safeguard the mining history and also illustrate progress.
For quite a few years now, I’ve gone home and when I look out the car window going over those bridges, I see a long black tanker train just ‘resting’ on the tracks. It seems like it was paused mid-journey. Maybe it’s waiting for a tow. Maybe it has no place to go. I always say I’m going to find the back roads and get closer to these trains to photograph them. And I finally did!
I was home last October and my mom and I were in the car and went on a little field trip to investigate. We got off the highway and followed the outer roads that were unpaved until we came upon the train tracks. It felt like a movie set!
Our mom had a bad fall years ago that left her with a brain injury so her memory loop is quite small. I tell her stories from our past and she’s fascinated that, A) she has no recollection, and B) that our little southwest Missouri lives were so interesting. Nearly everything we run by her now is processed as new information.
That afternoon I had so much fun telling her stories about dad, his hunting dogs, getting our cars stuck in the chat piles as teens, and how the big super highway wasn’t always there. She couldn’t believe it. And then within minutes the information slipped away from her and the memories were just mine again. These photos have lived in my phone for a year waiting for inspiration to be shared.
In August of this year, I was home and the resting tanker train looked like it hadn’t moved an inch! Had it been suspended in time for the whole 10 months? I took mom back for another photo session and another trip down memory lane. I think I document things when I go home because our dad’s gone now and our mom can’t hold onto the memories. I don’t want my childhood erased. I don’t regret much, but I sure wish I would have taken my dad back down to the chat piles one last time.
This round of photos held different meaning. I felt like in the time between these two sets of train photos that I haven’t moved an inch! Will Rogers said one of my favorite quotes, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” My whole life I’ve been competitive, motivated, inspired, driven and definitely NOT just sitting there. That paused train made me consider my life in a way I hadn’t before.
I recently had a poignant text exchange with one of my dear friends who is a DOer and a maker, like me. She shared that she’s struggling with grief, she’s unstimulated in her community, adjusting to change, and sitting with sadness and exhaustion. In that moment, something she said triggered thoughts about the trains and being a kid in the Midwest, the chat piles, and even the Will Rogers quote.
I responded, “I am content these days not chasing a goal or dream. I’ve settled in to ‘enoughness.’ Turning 50, my dad dying, I have a big life changing opportunity on indefinite pause, covid… Life is different. If nothing or no one else comes into my life, it’s been enough. And I find that really peaceful. I’m open to all that changing but I’m fine with it right now.”
I’ll ask again,
“Do you sometimes feel like you’re on the train of life but it’s not moving?”
In the face of hustle culture, I’ve decided sometimes it’s enough to just BE on the train. Better the train than the platform, right? It’ll eventually start moving. Or maybe it won’t. That’s ok too. And as my dear friend concluded in our text exchange, “Good enough is good enough.”
So if you find yourself slower moving on your dreams or suspended in stillness or even just tired and sad, it’s OK. Rest. You’re enough. Maybe take your own trip down memory lane and appreciate how far your train has come. But wherever you are on your journey, be gentle and kind with yourself.
On the food track, are you tired of pumpkin flavored foods yet? I don’t go pumpkin crazy in October so I can still enjoy them in November and December. This little memory train trip through my phone of saved photos reminded me of this seasonal recipe I created when I was working with the dried fruit company StoneRidge Orchards.
Pumpkin Bread With Dried Cherries
The typical add in to pumpkin baked goods is cranberries, but Stoneridge Montmorency dried cherries add a complimentary sweetness instead of the sour cranberry addition. A slice for breakfast or with an afternoon cup of tea, this is a cozy treat to get you in the spirit of fall and the upcoming holiday season.
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1-1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) butter, softened 2 cups sugar
2 large eggs
1 15-oz can 100% pure pumpkin
1/2 cup Stoneridge Orchards dried cherries
Preheat the oven to 325°F. Spray two 8 x 4-inch loaf pans with nonstick cooking spray and line with parchment paper for easy removal.
In a medium bowl, combine the flour, salt, baking soda, baking powder, cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Whisk until well combined; set aside.
In a large bowl of an electric mixer, beat the butter and sugar until just blended. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Continue beating until light and fluffy, a few minutes. Beat in the pumpkin. Add the flour mixture and mix on low speed until combined. Gently stir in the dried cherries evenly distributing them into the batter.
Pour the batter into the prepared pans, dividing evenly, and bake for 55 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the loaves cool in the pans for about 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.
Food photos by Cheryl Stockton of Stockshot Studio