Whether we like our current president or not, we can all agree that where we’ve been led seems pretty bleak. America is coming out from underneath a global pandemic and has bloomed into the largest civil rights movement in our country’s history. If this is where we are on the map, where do we go from here? Who will lead us? How are we going to get there?
There’s a famous quote by the Southern American journalist Lewis Grizzard.
“Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.”
I’d always heard it and giggled thinking who wants to be stuck looking up the rear end of another dog? I revisited that quote this week and I got excited about being a lead dog, excited about a change of scenery. But is the lead dog the one with all the power?
The current events have taught me so many lessons about leadership and power. Lessons in how leading is asking questions when I don’t know the answers. Lessons in asking those questions to those around me who have had different life experiences. Lessons in really listening to the answers of those whom I ask these questions. Listening to the thoughts of others opens me up for reflection on personal questions:
What am I resisting? Where can I soften? Where can I take action?
Ella and Fiona Kahn with Sophie Wheir in Brooklyn, NY
I’ve watched and been inspired by so many leaders stepping out from the crowd during this time. Many of those leaders are parents. First, they take over the reins of their children’s education when schools shut down this spring during Covid. Now they are teaching summer school with a deep dive into black history and civil rights. (Let’s raise a glass to the parents!)
The images of my friends’ children peacefully protesting for #blacklivesmatter in California, New York, and Massachusetts have cracked me open a bit. Their parents have given their children a front row seat to this movement. These kids are learning that they have a voice and a say in what happens in their world.
They are learning that standing up for yourself and your neighbor is true leadership. They are learning that showing up and taking a stand for what you believe in is important and affects change. Taking responsibility to empower children is leadership at its highest level.
Kelli Edwards with her two sons Dash and Spencer in Milton, MA
Another parent friend wrote a letter to his three young sons confessing his failures as a father leading his children through the world. He admitted he had work to do to in the fight against racism and that they would be navigating this work as a family.
“And while I don’t expect you to change the world, I expect you to change YOUR world.” — Brent Bounds
Brent’s letter was a transfer of power to his boys. He let them know there’s a power within ourselves to take responsibility for our circumstances. You can read Brent’s Letter to My Fair-skinned Sons on Medium. All of these kids I’m writing about, as well as the kids in your life — they are tomorrow’s leaders. We must guide them by our good example.
Baer and Charley marching with their dad Christian Loubek in Santa Monica, CA
I don’t have children, but I’m being shepherded by my friends and their efforts to lead their kids. I’m learning that true leadership is mustering the courage to lead yourself down the path of goodness without someone in front of you. To take the risk of failing, to keep going even if we stumble. Forgive yourself and get back up on your feet. Reclaim your personal power. There’s more work to do!
We are leaders when we brainstorm and offer solutions. We lead when we are confident, calm, and controlled with our thoughts and actions. We are leaders with the content we provide and how we move and show up in the world. We are leaders in our households, in our jobs, in our communities.
Are we leading responsibly?
Are we empowering those around us?
Are we leading with kindness, generosity, and grace?
Are we on a path to goodness?
We’re human. The answers will not always be a resounding Yes. Part of the definition of the verb LEAD is “to show someone the way to a destination by going in front of or beside them.” Aha! BeSIDE. No one ever tells us that part... We don’t always need to be the lead dog. The only way forward on this stretch of road is to remember that we’re all on the same team. We empower one another to make sure no one gets left behind along the way.
One of my leaders (in the kitchen and in life) is my friend Andy. He shared this homemade Rhubarb Gin with me last year. I don’t drink hard liquor ever, but if you put enough sugar and fruit in something, I’ll be fooled. He gave me his recipe so I could make my own this year. This is a treat, so join me in raising a glass to the parents of tomorrow’s leaders, as well as to all of us out here doing the best we can to find some light in a dark time. (And for the non drinkers and to get the kids involved, I’ve included a non alcoholic recipe for rhubarb syrup.) Cheers!
Rhubarb Gin
1 lbs of the brightest pink rhubarb stalks you can find
1 cup sugar
750ml gin, cheap is just fine
Chop the rhubarb and place in a large, sealable container. Add the sugar. Add the gin..
Close the lid, shake well. Put the jar in the fridge for a week or two. Shake the jars every so often.
Strain gin, pour into cute jars to give as gifts, or just make yourself a drink! Pictured below is rhubarb gin, seltzer, and lime. Photos by Bryan Langlands.
Non-Alcoholic Rhubarb Syrup
1 lb rhubarb
2 cups water
1 cup sugar
Chop the rhubarb into small pieces and place in a sauce pan, cover with 2 cups water and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer and cook for 20 minutes. Remove from heat and strain the liquid, discarding the rhubarb. Rinse out the pot and combine the sugar with the strained rhubarb liquid. Bring this mixture to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir to make sure the sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool completely. Pour into a well-sealed jar. No need to wait - you’re ready to go. Make a rhubarb Shirley Temple. Make a rhubarb lime soda. Pour it over ice cream… It’ll keep in the fridge for a few weeks.